The alarm went off on Thursday morning at 4am.
I admit it was really tough hop back on that horse when we just finished being in-patient last week.
I admit I am getting a little worn down.
I admit things seem harder lately on me (let me rephrase that, "for me" not on me), from emotions to pinched nerves in my neck.
I am not the one who sat in the hospital for a week with an infection in my knee. Only to have lots of drugs pumped into me.
I am not the one who just when I was feeling better, they put me under and cut calcium deposits off.
I can only imagine how exhausted he must feel.
They removed the first calcium deposits in Feb. He did well with the anesthesia. He came back to recovery crying a bit but we were able to get him to stop quickly. Oxycotin helped with that.
This time however, it was a little different. It is amazing how people are different so things will go different. Last time they didn't require him to do the dreaded wipe down. They hand you large wet cloths with disinfecting juice on them. It is to help remove any germs our body has on our skin. He hates them hates them thats them. They leave you feeling sticky, cold, and nasty. Because of all the open calcium lesions they told we could just skip it. The risk outweighed reason. But not this time. This time they insisted. So we did it. He did fine but on the inside, I was angry with them. Be consistent at least. Either required them or don't. I suppose I have hit a burnout. Because I can explain to you how I understand the rational part of it. The safety of it all. Wiping away any chance of post-op infections. Why wouldn't I want that. Because I am clearly not rational right now. It is all taking a toll on me. I know, I just think "OH POOR YOU!!!!". Get over it self. Seriously. You act like you are the one getting all this treatment, and sitting there with over 60 calcium lesions. I am not. I am healthy.