"Don't you look nice!" she said as she entered the room. I thanked her and thought what a nice compliment. We started with our usual chit chat. How are you? How is he? How are things? Long list, and she saved the best for last. I will get back to Gary later. "Erika, I have something to tell you". That triggered no emotion in me. It didn't strike me until the next sentence. "I'm retiring." She intently smiled and grimaced and waited. I don't go around asking woman how old they are. I couldn't believe I didn't realize it was time. She is 65. She has done her time. But my reaction. Panic. My thoughts spun. They pushed forward then swung back. I went into a stare. Then tears welled up, went away, and came back as I said, "you can't, you can't do this." As my emotions and ration kicked in I went into what a polite selfless person does and congratulated her. Told her I understood. I began to thank her, because that was in fact my heart, I am thankful. Then I stared some more. She told me I have done an excellent job in Gary's care. She was being sincere, but again, its a natural reaction to smooth it over. She stared at me. Another round of tears came and went. We reminded each other of past treatments, and what a wild ride it has been for Gary. I told her given the severity of Gary's case, that she and her team had done a very impressive job of getting him back and keeping him functioning. I suppose I am so upset with this because as a patient there is a vulnerability of connection. I connect all the bad news that has come with this disease, and the good. Even when I had complaints, there was always praise and gratefulness. I have been mad at her for silly things. But I can't barely remember those. I know it will be alright. I already called and am on the schedule to have another doctor with the same level of experience, whom I respect, take over. She told me I was on the list of patients she was most worried to tell. The emotions this triggers is unbelievable. I do tend to be emotionally dramatic maybe a bit irrational when I hear things I don't care for. Not loud or rude, well maybe but she was right to worry. I'm still trying to entirely connect I'm taking this so hard. I am in the market for a fabulous retirement gift. I know with time I will mend. LOL. Feel like I am going through a break up.
|Calcinosis around tail bone.|
I can't wait till she gets the report on this one. The therapist hit every point I was seeing. His function his there but his strength is not there to support it. He has hip and leg weakness. He straightens his left leg. The therapist said it could be from calcium, "he goes up and down the stairs with a lot of compensation, like leaving his leg straight, pivoting his hip", much like an eighty year old man. I am not sure how many times a week we will be doing physical therapy yet, but the orders will be doing in. Time to get this boy strong or stronger.
Gary is such a sports guy. He loves it. So I signed him up for soccer. Hopefully he will just stand there and look cute so the ball doesn't hit him or anything like that. Doubt it. It will be good for him? Hands over eyes.
Infusion next week. Not looking forward to it.