Thursday, September 22, 2011
There is no title to this because its not about Gary's disease. Well, it is, and it isn't. We are having a hard time right now. Surrounded by blessings. Definitely. But fighting. I am sure like a lot people are right now. I feel like my hands are tied though. We are scratching to hang. Hang on to our house. Struggling to even eat sometimes. If it weren't for my family, I shamefully admit I am not sure I would be able to put a healthy meal on the dinner table. My husband works hard. But with all the price increases, it starting to hit us hard. We still are on financial aid at the hospital. Blessing. But even gas to get there has been a part of a strategic planning. *Note to all children: Be nice to your parents. VERY NICE. Because even at 37, you depend on them. I struggle with myself alll the time. We can't afford to live in this house anymore. I am torn and heartbroken at the thought of not being able to bring my baby home to his beloved house. His beloved playset. The neighbors. So easy right. I get a full time job. That is what we need. We need double our income to make everything ok. Poisonous dilemma number two. I get a full time job. What do I do with my baby with no immune system. Drop him in a day care? I feel like that would be dropping him in a war torn germ country. It makes me feel neglectful, bad, and sad. I want to rise above this. There is a way. He knows our needs. I just wish I wasn't so very human. Car broke down. Ipod broke down. And broke my 45 gallon fish tank. Perspective is my friend right now.